That is the best word I can use to describe this waiting feeling.
Tomorrow we go to Nolan's cardiologist for his second echocardiogram. He was 3.5 weeks old when he had his first one and they discovered the holes in his heart. He is gaining weight and doing great, but the ONLY way to see the holes is with an echocardiogram.
I keep thinking back to his last echocardiogram and remember the uneasy feeling that we had sitting in that room while they took over 100 images of the heart. It is one of those days that I remember exactly what I was wearing, exactly the way the air smelt, and exactly how I felt. We were originally told there was a 5% chance for a spontaneous closure but a 95% chance Nolan would need open heart surgery around 6 months old. Tomorrow should answer some of the unknown questions. While it will be hard, we are ready to have a clear plan.
I don't do well in the unknown. We are asking for prayers for a miracle but also prayers that we can have peace if he has to go to surgery. We thank God daily for the amazing doctors and hospitals here in at Atlanta, but our hearts are not prepared yet for the chance of open heart surgery.
We will update you when we know more.