Updated: Jun 14, 2018
I don't love change, but I adapt pretty well. When there is a problem, I solve it. I like being in control of what is coming. However, I am learning I am just along for the ride.
When Joel and I decide to do something, we are all in. We deep dive into a project, problem, etc., and work until it is finished. We move at a pretty fast-pace because we both love to be able to check things off a list.
Our journey to parenting was no different. We got pregnant the first month we were trying and found out very early on that I was pregnant. We found out Nolan was a boy as soon as possible and got all of the tests done to ensure we were prepared for whatever was coming our way (and Nolan passed all of them with flying colors). My pregnancy was easy! I wasn't sick. I was able to sleep. I wasn't miserable. I actually enjoyed being pregnant and 40 weeks went by quickly.
We had his room done by the time I was 30 weeks pregnant and all of his laundry washed, put away, and our hospital bag packed by 34 weeks. We were ready.
My active-labor continued to follow this fast-pace. By the time I got to the hospital, I was already 5cm. We checked-in at 4:30 pm and Nolan entered the world at 7:50 pm after only 15 minutes of pushing.
He entered the world and was placed on my chest. My life changed forever. Three minutes later they took him away to clean him off and time stopped.
As they cleaned him the room became silent. I knew something was wrong. It was only minutes, but it seemed like hours. Joel went back-and-forth across the room from Nolan and then back to me. After watching him walk back to me multiple times with a concerned look, I finally worked up the courage to ask, "What's wrong?"
By this time, they were bringing Nolan back to me, and as they placed him back on my chest we were told that he "had a very tiny right ear." I asked three more times to make sure I heard them correctly. I did. He also had a skin tag on his right cheek (later we would learn this is common in children with underdeveloped ears).
He was this tiny human that just entered the world. Our perfect son. He looked just like me but somehow just like Joel. He put his head on my chest and fell asleep. I was in love.
Joel and I were silent for some time trying to process what was going on. What did this mean? Why our son? What happened? Was it my fault? Why had I been told for 40 weeks that everything was perfect? When would we have answers? How quickly could we see a doctor to learn more?
Just like that, we were parents. Just like that our parenting journey went from 0 to 1000 in under a minute. We knew the fast-pace would continue. It was only just the beginning of what we would face in the upcoming weeks. We also realized how much is genuinely out of our control, and how we can only trust and lean into our faith.
Nolan... you are 1 in 8,000. You were always meant for us. You have already brought us so much joy. There is nothing you will face that we won't face together. You are our son, and I couldn't imagine you any other way. You are perfect.